One of the many things people have noticed coming out of the pandemic is the general decline of civility and kindness to one another. Spend a few minutes in your day as an intentional observer and watch how people interact with each other, especially at restaurants, grocery stores, and public events. The behavior you see may range from passive disconnectedness to rudeness or hostility. The combination of political unrest and the pandemic has left everyone on edge.
Unfortunately, a primary learning skill for children is to model the behavior they observe in adults, especially their parents and teachers. In college teacher preparation classes, we engage in the practice of using role modeling as an instructional tactic. In the younger ages, an example would be demonstrating how to line up quietly and navigate the hallways in an orderly fashion. While this is a specific example, in reality, everything we do in the presence of children is modeling behavior for them. This includes speaking with others, listening and not interrupting, discussing different points of view calmly, conflict resolution, and managing emotions.
Since September is Attendance Awareness, it’s worth noting that attending school is a prerequisite for learning through modeling. And, it’s not just from teacher to student, but also peer-to-peer. Our students absorb their friends’ habits, attitudes, and behaviors and learn from positive AND negative feedback when they reflect those behaviors.
Kindness is about having concern for others and showing that by paying attention, listening, watching, and being present when interacting with another person. Being kind may involve an action – helping someone – but it can also be less active; inclusion and recognition are acts of kindness. A smile is a simple act of kindness. It usually results in receiving a smile back.
Empathy is about having an awareness of the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. When we share another’s emotional experience, a connection develops. The relationship includes acceptance and understanding and avoids judgment.
So, how can we model kindness and empathy for their students and children? The best way to model kindness and empathy is by being kind and understanding to them.
Make time to ask your child about their day, what they enjoyed the most, if they had a particularly difficult or sad moment, or if something made them feel good or excited. Listen to their response carefully and be open to the range of emotions they may express. Don’t act to correct, console, or change their feelings. Engage with a conversation that includes how you’ve had similar experiences and emotions.
If you’re watching a movie or television show, ask how the characters feel and share how you might feel in that situation. Asking questions is crucial, especially about how actions make them feel. As they become more aware of their feelings, ask how their behavior might make another person feel. In simple conflict resolution between students, we start with, “What happened, and how did that make you feel?” We then ask the other party if they intended to make the other person feel that way. Generally, the answer is “No, but they made me feel bad first.” We can sort through the moment until authentic apologies are issued, and peace is restored.
We can also encourage kids to give of themselves, mostly their own time and attention. When they give of themselves, ask them how it makes them feel to help anchor the behavior. Giving and being kind makes us feel good and releases endorphins that improve our emotional health. This feeling encourages us to continue to give and act with kindness. Maybe your child loves to draw or paint. Turn their artwork into a card or memento for a friend or family member. In addition to asking them how their actions make them feel, share how you feel. Talk about how a person or place is special to you.
Kindness and empathy are about being present in the lives of others. Being present starts with attendance.